I look forward to attending the annual Prairie Family Business Conference every year.

This year, one of the speakers talked about how he had recently sold his family business. Upon being asked if any of his children had expressed interest in coming to work there, he lamented that they had not.

He went on to state, “Maybe that is something I should have thought about when my kids were very young: how to model joy in my work. But I am not sure they saw that from me, and I am not sure I was a very present dad. I have some regrets about that.”

As a mother to young children right now, goodness, did that make me step back and think.

How do my children see me now in my approach to “going to work” every day? Do they know without a doubt that, although our family business is important, they are my priority?

Is the way I am living going to inspire them, that they may someday also want to work in the family business?

From my earliest memories, I had the benefit of watching my dad go to a job every day that he loved. Somehow, from that young age, this impressed upon me that love of your work is all too rare.

My dad, Bill Baker, and I sharing our joy for work with each other.  

Wouldn’t I be lucky to join this family business and find that same passion?

Let me be clear: my parents fully supported me pursuing any career path I wanted, and my children will have the same support from me. As they grow up, I want them to find work that is rewarding and brings them joy.

But, with the chance that coming to work at the Bank might be one of their chosen career paths, I am certain I could do better in the way I talk about and model my role at work.

I am so thankful for the opportunity to ponder this lesson now, while I can still reflect on it and grow.

The following are some pledges I am making to myself and my family, and I offer them in hopes that they could help other family business leaders — but also that they can help all parents.

After all, who doesn’t want to see their children find deeply rewarding and satisfying work? And how will they grow to do that if they do not witness it early on?

Change the language

In listening to myself speak, I have realized that the language I use to describe work every day is often couched in the terms of “have to.”

Momma has to go to work.

Momma needs to get to a meeting.

One thing I intend to work on is changing my terminology to “get to.” I have chosen this career, I find it rewarding, and I “get to” go to work.

I get to meet with teammates and set direction for the business. I get to make clients’ financial journeys easier and better.

It is also entirely too easy to get home and immediately dump my work frustrations onto my family; complaining about work is woven into modern-day culture.

To keep it real, I am by no means above a good, old-fashioned venting session. I do try, however, to bring home and share both the struggles and the rewards.

We have a practice of sharing our daily highs and lows at the dinner table with our kids.

It is fun to hear from them what challenges and highlights they faced during the day. I also love sharing the wins that I had and finding ways for my kids to see me celebrating how I got to help a client or teammate at work today.

Utilizing language that conveys my choice and what a privilege it is to come to my career each day helps reframe my mindset, even amid stressful times.

Instead of work-life balance, model work-life harmony

I gave up on the notion of “work-life balance” a long time ago.

To me, the term balance conveys walking a tightrope where the slightest imperfection can cause disaster — how stressful!

Instead, I have chosen to embrace “work-life harmony.”

In any beautiful chorus, different sections get to highlight the main theme of the music at different times, and it all results in a lovely combination of different parts. Harmony.

There are times in my life when work is going to be the main theme, times when parenting will be the main theme, and times when faith, fun, hobbies, or travel will be the theme. In the end, it must all work together to create a harmonious life.

Discovering that the main theme will ebb and flow, and the relief from trying to perfectly balance it all the time, has given me the freedom to find so much more joy on the journey.

One of our family values is showing up for each other. I love that our family business allows for this quality time.

I, along with the rest of First National Bank’s teammates, have volunteer time I can use to help with the classroom Valentine’s Day party or to chaperone field trips.

My life is harmonious when there is both the ability to work hard and the opportunity to show up to make memories with my family.

It is my hope that my children will remember and value my presence, the flexibility of the Bank, and our quality time together. While growing up, I knew without a doubt this was true from my dad, and I want my children to also see that they are always my priority.

Set appropriate boundaries

My career and our family business are a big, big part of me.

But they are not my identity.

I have interests and hobbies that extend beyond my office walls, and I hope my children can witness my commitment to caring for myself and delighting in other interests.

Traveling, music, theater, friendships, Pilates, knitting, cheering my kids on in sports, movie nights: these are the things that round out our full life.

I have a bit of a work-hard-play-hard streak. But the work cannot be all-consuming; if it were, I fear my kids would look to that and think they would never want to make that choice for themselves in the future.

I refuse for my career to be the only thing they get to know and see about me as a person.

To make our family business successful, we try to keep a boundary between the family and the business. If we are together celebrating a birthday or a holiday, that is family time.

Nobody wants to be enjoying their Thanksgiving pie and suddenly be confronted with a work question!

If our family has work to discuss, we schedule that during working time. Everyone knows we are gathering for the purpose of working on the business.

This way, family time can safely remain just that — time for relaxing, bonding, and enjoying each others’ presence separate from the business.

A picture with my (very tall) cousins, Stewart and Rob, at the First National Bank holiday party.

Illustrate and discuss the impact of your business

Ours is a family business with core values. With heart.

It is meaningful to know your work is leaving things better than how you found them.

It is hard to convey this appropriately at the young ages of my children, but we have begun to try.

My kids know the First National Bank “flying F” logo and recognize it as a sponsor to sports teams, Orpheum children’s theater productions, and around the SculptureWalk and other downtown landmarks or events that the Bank sponsors.

A drawing by my son of downtown Sioux Falls, including the First National Bank building marked by our “flying F” logo.

I share with them that our Stewardship value encourages the Bank to donate money that transforms so many cool ideas into realities.

In a couple years, I will start bringing them along to serve at The Banquet and attend other teammate volunteering projects the Bank organizes.

This is something I got to experience growing up, and it allowed me to get to know the Bank family my dad worked with every day and to see what great things volunteerism can accomplish.

Recognize the positive footprint

I’ll end today by telling a story that occurred on Valentine’s Day, when we were dining at the Touchmark senior living community with my grandma.

A woman who also lives at Touchmark scootched over in her walker to meet “the Baker family.”

She brought flowers from her table and gave them to my kids, telling them: “My husband and I were always so well taken care of by your great-grandpa and your grandpa at First National Bank. You are wonderful people with a business doing good things, and I want you to have these flowers. I am so glad to meet his great-grandchildren and to be able to tell you how much your family’s bank and kindness have meant to me.”

Wow. In the moment, I was stunned into silence.

On the drive home, we got to revisit her message with the kids. What a gift, an opportunity to lean in and tell them how and why this was special.

As I said at the outset, the objective is not to make them come work for the family business. But if I can live up to these pledges, we will be living the fullest life.

And if, in doing so, my kids can learn lessons that will apply to their future and their life’s work, my dreams for them will come true.

If you have questions, hope to apply these pledges to your own family business, or would like help with your succession planning, financial planning, or financing needs, please reach out. I’m happy to share my years of expertise in both banking and family business with you!